Reasons to be Grateful: Allowing myself some grace when I’m not at my best

The best laid plans…

About six weeks ago I had decided to try to be more consistent with writing posts about gratitude. I think they are helpful to me to write them, and they are helpful to some of the people that read them too. Within a week or two of making that decision, I tested positive for Covid, and then was quite poorly for about two weeks.

During that time my little cat, who I had a close bond with, became very poorly. We had been trying lots of things to treat him for a bowel condition, but it turned out that wasn’t what he had. Instead he had an aggressive cancer which just gobbled him up, which was increadibly difficult to watch. I took him to the vet to be put to sleep before I had really been able to recover from Covid, and have suffered a very sticky form of grief for him ever since.

On top of this I still have a busy toddler to look after, who is just going though a ‘boundary testing phase’, and managing this is exhausting. As I write this it’s been at least three weeks since I cleared Covid, and yet I still do not feel like I have recovered from either thing.

Frankly I haven’t been feeling at my best, and times like these can have unexpected results.

Just not finding my muse

I have found myself suffering an odd form of writers block, in which I have the initial ideas for little blog posts, stories, or even longer essays, but as I sit to write them I find it impossible to think through how to elaborate on that initial idea to create something readable.

For about a week or so I put pressure on myself to get back to the swing things and feel ok, and then I realised that I didn’t have it in me for that.

Those who have read bits and pieces of my work before may know I have struggled with anxiety and depression in the past, and those experiences have taught me that it’s not always sensible to struggle on. This time, instead of trying to push myself to write, I decided to take a bit of a break, and have written just a few little bits and pieces in that last month.

A few moments of grace

In the few scraps of time I have to myself in the day I’ve been doing other things instead, taking the time to sleep, to read the fascinating Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake (this is an affiliate link – if you buy this book using this link I’ll be sent a few pence as a referral fee), and to cuddle my surviving cat.

As I begin to feel like writing again, I feel grateful that I was able to give myself a little moment of grace to not do things, and to take a little time to rest.

Thank you for reading. I also write, make art and films. You can read my short fantasy stories here on Simily. If you like these prompts and want to get a copy of a free short book of them I wrote, and to hear more about my writing projects please join my mailing list here. You can see my films at my YouTube channel here. You can see things with my designs on at my shop here. Could even treat yourself if you wanted to. Just saying. If buying art is not your thing, but you would like to support what you see I also have a Patreon Page here.

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