Thinking of parallel futures

It’s been really hot in the UK over the last month and I don’t do particularly well in the heat. I love spring and autumn, have a good bash at enjoying myself in winter, but summer is not my friend. Friends at work casually joke, on a regular basis, that I should move to Norway, or Iceland. The North pole maybe. In previous years I’ve got on a bit better because we traditionally have awful, overcast summers in the UK. Not this year – a never ending heatwave. I have spent the last two weeks taking FSH injections so I am sure the external influence on my hormones is not helping my mood. I run from grumpy to gloomy and back again. Let’s just say that’s not the most fun thing ever for my fiancé to deal with. I dream of swimming, all the time.

I have been thinking over the last few weeks and months about how the experience of infertility is pushing me to consider parallel futures on a fairly constant basis. I’ve always been a bit of a fan of the parallel universe, alternative future genre of sci-fi. I am finding that while actively having fertility treatment my eye is on two possible futures a lot of the time. My effort goes into living life as normal, in making plans for fun things and future challenges, but my mind drifts off to consider other possibilities. Next year I will swim a 10km event, or I will be looking after a baby. Next year I will work on several interesting projects at work, or I will be looking after a baby.

We made a conscious decision not to stop making longer term plans, not to reduce our world to the single pursuit of making a baby. We plan trips, I pay entry fees to swimming events and do a bit of training. I work out what kind of swimming body I will need to swim a marathon swim next year, and (loosely) plan to train for that. All the while I know that a pregnant body would be something quite different, it would not be making a 10k trip around a cool lake next summer. We’ve been doing this fertility thing for a while now. It’s not been working. A heavy pregnant body doesn’t feel like it could be a real thing for me. Yet I plan for that too.

Like what you see? I also make art. You can things with my designs on at my shop here. Could even treat yourself if you wanted to. Just saying.

4 thoughts on “Thinking of parallel futures

  1. It is so difficult to look into the future, especially when you have a specific wish, as you and your fiance do. Either way, I think you have made a good decision – enjoy today. Today, this moment, is really all we have. I want you to know that you have someone across the ocean in the US who has her fingers, toes, and all other appendages crossed for you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m the same in the heat, it doesn’t sit well with me. Winter is my favourite season, and I like autumn too, but the rest of the year I find England too hot (I grew up in Scotland. One day I’ll move back to the Highlands where it’s nice and cold.)

    I think planning for parallel futures is a good idea. I don’t have the baby future in my plans, but I do often parallel plan for other things: if one of my jobs suddenly disappears, for example, or if I can’t do the walk around the UK coastline which I’ve planned for a couple of years’ time.

    Whatever the future holds, I hope it works out well for you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh the Highlands sound wonderful. We were in the lake District recently and were very tempted by moving there. I definitely have alternative job futures in mind, which I’ve been working on. Feel like I have a bit more control over that kind of thing. With the baby making its very much a wait and see situation. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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